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What You Actually Get

Fuller content of the day’s top stories — for all 32 NFL teams, every single day.

Free subscribers see the front page headlines and teasers, team by team. All-Access subscribers get the full articles — every story, complete, delivered to your inbox every day, for every NFL team in the network, not just this one. Same articles. Just longer. Fuller. The whole thing. No “keep reading.”

Plus Seven Weeks of Bonus Content.
One Per Week. Every Cycle. Every Team.

Every All-Access subscriber gets one bonus content piece per week, every week, rotating through all seven formats — and it is not limited to one team. Your subscription unlocks the full Bonus Content library across all 32 NFL team sites in the network. Here is exactly what that looks like on the Colts page specifically — the full thing, live, right here, so you know exactly what you are getting before you spend a single dime.

Week One — You Get This
Real Fake Trivia Game

A full Jeopardy-style board built entirely around your team’s history, lore, disasters, and occasional moments of glory. Four categories. Five clues each. $200 through $1,000. The $1,000 questions are genuinely hard. We verified every fact. We are not kidding about that part. Click on any one of the boxes and start the game!

Five Straight and Counting The Midnight Mayflower The Steichen Shuffle Unitas to Manning
$200$200$200$200
$400$400$400$400
$600$600$600$600
$800$800$800$800
$1,000$1,000$1,000$1,000

That’s Week One. Next week you get this →

Week Two — You Get This
Classified Ads

Nine satirical classified ads, three columns, all team-specific. FOR SALE. WANTED. LOST & FOUND. HELP WANTED. ANNOUNCEMENT. NOTICE. PERSONALS. OBITUARIES. The CONTACT line is always the punchline. Always.

For Sale

One (1) 8–2 Start — Followed by a Torn Achilles, Fully Documented

The Colts went 8–2 in the first 10 games of 2025 with D. Jones under center. Jones then broke his fibula. He then tore his Achilles. The Colts finished the year unable to reach the playoffs. The 8–2 start has been filed under potential. The potential remains. D. Jones is rehabbing. He is in the facility daily from 8am to 3pm. S. Steichen has confirmed his progress is impressive. The Achilles has been informed of its obligations for 2026.

ContactS. Steichen. He watched Jones go 8–2. He watched Jones break his fibula and tear his Achilles. He re-signed Jones to $88 million. He is confident. The confidence has documentation. The documentation starts at 8–2.
Wanted

Daniel Jones — Healthy, All 17 Games, Right Achilles Fully Operational

Jones set career highs in completion rate (68%), passer rating (100.2), and QBR (63.0) before his injuries in 2025. He was 8–2 as a starter. He tore his Achilles in Week 14. He is now rehabbing daily. The Colts have signed him to a two-year, $88 million extension. The Achilles has been rehabilitated. The Achilles is throwing and running. The Achilles is expected for training camp. Colts Country has noted the Achilles’s timeline with appropriate interest.

ContactThe right Achilles. It is rehabbing. It has been cleared to throw. It is expected to be ready. S. Steichen is monitoring it. Jonathan Taylor is also monitoring it. Colts Country is monitoring it most carefully of all.
Lost & Found

Missing: The Second Half of 2025 — Jones Went Down, Playoffs Went With Him

The Colts were 8–2 with Jones healthy. Jones broke his fibula in Week 11. He tore his Achilles in Week 14. The Colts finished well below playoff contention. The second half of the season has been filed as a cautionary tale about single-quarterback dependency. The Colts have three quarterbacks: D. Jones (rehabbing), A. Richardson (requested a trade, returned professionally), and R. Leonard (impressive in limited starts). The depth has been noted. The Achilles remains the primary discussion point.

ContactWeek 14. It has the documentation. The documentation includes the Achilles injury in the first quarter against Jacksonville. The documentation is filed. It is not enjoyable to read. It has been read many times anyway.
Help Wanted

Playoff Appearance — S. Steichen Has 25 Wins, Zero Postseason Games, Hot Seat Noted

S. Steichen is entering Year 4 with a record of 25–26 — the most wins through three seasons by any head coach without a playoff appearance. The Colts owner has publicly confirmed the sense of urgency has never been higher. S. Steichen has publicly confirmed the sense of urgency is understood. D. Jones is publicly rehabbing. J. Taylor is publicly healthy. Colts Country has publicly confirmed it is ready. All parties are publicly aligned. The playoff appearance is the only outstanding item.

ContactS. Steichen. He is aware. He has been told the urgency has never been higher. He has confirmed he understands this. He has a quarterback who went 8–2 before tearing his Achilles. He is confident. The confidence and the urgency are coexisting.
Announcement

Official Statement: Jones Is Healthy, Taylor Is Ready, Steichen Understands the Urgency

The Indianapolis Colts announce that D. Jones is rehabbing on schedule and expected for training camp. J. Taylor remains one of the best running backs in the NFL. S. Steichen understands the urgency has never been higher. The Colts went 8–2 when everyone was healthy. The objective is to be healthy for more than 10 games. The objective has been communicated to all parties. The Achilles has received the communication. The Achilles is responding accordingly.

ContactThe Achilles. It has received the communication. It is responding accordingly. It is in the facility daily. S. Steichen has verified its daily presence. Colts Country has noted the daily presence. The Achilles appreciates the attention.
For Sale
Expired

The 8–2 Start — Available as Historical Reference, Not Available for Continuation

The first 10 games of the 2025 Colts season are available for historical reference. Record: 8–2. Jones completion rate: 68%. Jones passer rating: 100.2. Scoring on 57.6% of possessions, the highest rate in the league. The start is not available for continuation, as D. Jones subsequently broke his fibula and tore his Achilles. The start has been preserved as evidence of what is possible. The Colts intend to use it as evidence. S. Steichen is presenting it as exhibit A. The Achilles is exhibit B.

ContactThe 8–2 record. It is available for reference. It demonstrates what the Colts can be when healthy. It is the primary argument for the $88 million extension. It is a strong argument. The Achilles is familiar with the argument. It is rehabbing in support of the argument.
Notice

Attn: AFC South — We Were 8–2 Before the Injuries and We Are Coming Back for More

The Indianapolis Colts formally notify the AFC South that the 8–2 start in 2025 was not a fluke. D. Jones is rehabbing and expected healthy. J. Taylor is the best running back in the division. S. Steichen understands the urgency. The Texans have Stroud, who threw four first-half interceptions in a divisional loss. The Jaguars won the division in 2025. The Titans have a new coach and Cam Ward in Year 2. The Colts have 8–2 documentation and a rehabbing Achilles. The AFC South has been notified.

ContactThe AFC South. It has received this notice. The Jaguars are the defending division champions. The Texans are the most talented team. The Titans are developing. The Colts have an 8–2 reference and a healing Achilles. The division considers this a credible notice.
Personals

Seeking: 17 Healthy Games — Was 8-2, Have the Evidence, Ready to Add to the Sample Size

Colts Country, lifelong, Indianapolis and beyond. Have watched an 8–2 start turn into a missed playoff season due to two separate injuries to the same quarterback. Have D. Jones rehabbing daily. Have J. Taylor. Have S. Steichen, who understands the urgency. Have the blue and white. Are ready for a full season. Have been ready for a full season. The 8–2 was the preview. The Achilles is the intermission. 2026 is the full show. Colts Country has purchased tickets.

ContactColts Country. They have the 8–2 documentation. They are ready for the full 17-game version. They have always been ready. They fill Lucas Oil Stadium. They will fill it again. The Achilles has been invited. It has confirmed attendance.
Obituaries

The 2025 Indianapolis Colts Season — 8–2 Before Injuries, Passed Week 14

Passed in Week 14, when D. Jones tore his right Achilles in the first quarter against the Jacksonville Jaguars, just weeks after managing through a broken fibula. It had been 8–2. It had the highest possession scoring rate in the league. It did not finish what it started. It is survived by D. Jones’ rehabbing Achilles, J. Taylor’s healthy legs, S. Steichen’s urgent awareness, and Colts Country, who filled Lucas Oil Stadium for all 17 games regardless and is ready for the version where everyone stays healthy. That version begins in September. The Achilles will be present.

ContactThe Achilles. It has been present at every review of the 2025 season. It acknowledges its role in the proceedings. It is rehabbing. It will be ready. S. Steichen has confirmed it will be ready. Colts Country is monitoring the readiness. The readiness is proceeding on schedule.

That’s Week Two. The week after that you get this →

Week Three — You Get This
Top Ten List

A full team-specific Top Ten list. Completely deadpan. Treats every item with total journalistic seriousness. The list below is a sample. Yours will be specific to your team’s particular situation, history, and ongoing triumphs and disasters.

Top Ten Things You Can Buy for $24 at Lucas Oil Stadium
  • 10.One domestic beer, purchased beneath a scoreboard that once read 8–2 and now mostly just reads ‘in rehab.’
  • 9.Parking, a horseshoe’s toss from the gate, past a mural of Daniel Jones that was painted a little too early.
  • 8.A Shane Steichen clipboard, blank, extremely blue, extremely optimistic.
  • 7.Half a pork tenderloin sandwich, the other half reserved for whichever quarterback finishes the season upright.
  • 6.One Jonathan Taylor action figure, still running, still healthy, still the only sure thing on the roster.
  • 5.A commemorative Achilles brace, unopened, purely ornamental at this point.
  • 4.A laminated printout of the words “the urgency has never been higher,” suitable for framing in the coach’s office.
  • 3.An Anthony Richardson jersey, recently returned to circulation, professionally worn.
  • 2.Four months of this subscription. Which includes 16 pieces of premium satirical content, a trivia game, classified ads, a children's book, and a staff that has tracked the exact week the 8–2 start became a cautionary tale.
  • 1.Hope, sold near the horseshoe, blue and white, rehabbing daily from 8am to 3pm.

    • That’s Week Three. Week Four brings this →

    Week Four — You Get This
    Fake eBay Listing

    Seven team-specific fake eBay listings, ready to go every cycle, styled exactly like the real site — photo, description, seller, and current bid. The items are always something your team has misplaced, squandered, or never possessed. Reserve has not been met, and never may be met.

    Vintage Helmet — WHITE — ‘The Peyton Era’
    Seller: lucas_oil_ghosts
    Condition: Historically Significant
    A classic white helmet with the blue horseshoe logo. Back when we had a franchise quarterback who didn't get benched, injured, or unexpectedly retire. We miss those days. We miss them so much.
    $1,800
    current bid
    Medical Crutch — BARELY USED — ‘The Achilles’
    Seller: daniel_jones_contract
    Condition: Philosophically Compromised
    A single medical crutch. We were 8-2. We were the hottest team in the NFL. Then Daniel Jones tore his Achilles and we lost six straight games to miss the playoffs. We just re-signed him for $88 million. Everything is fine.
    $88
    current bid
    Blank Clipboard — PRISTINE — ‘The Steichen Plan’
    Seller: shane_steichen_offense
    Condition: Cautiously Optimistic
    A pristine, blank blue clipboard resting on a wooden desk. Shane Steichen is a great offensive mind, but he has to figure out what to do with a recovering Daniel Jones and a benched Anthony Richardson. Good luck, Shane.
    $1
    current bid
    Torn Calendar — CRUMPLED — ‘8 and 2’
    Seller: historic_collapse_25
    Condition: Structurally Unsound
    A calendar showing the numbers 8 and 2, torn and crumpled. We were 8-2. We missed the playoffs. We became the first team in 30 years to start 8-2 and miss the postseason. It hurts to look at.
    $8
    current bid
    Super Bowl XLI Ring — GLEAMING — ‘The Rain Game’
    Seller: chicago_bears_tears
    Condition: Historically Haunted
    A gleaming silver Super Bowl XLI ring, heavy with diamonds. We stare at it every time we see the current salary cap projection. It was worth it, right? Right?
    $41,000
    current bid
    Unopened Knee Brace — PRISTINE — ‘The Richardson Era’
    Seller: chris_ballard_draft_board
    Condition: Emotionally Unavailable
    A pristine, unopened medical knee brace. We drafted Anthony Richardson to be the future. Then he got hurt. Then he got benched. Now we declined his fifth-year option. At least he didn't need this specific brace.
    $4
    current bid
    Foam Horseshoe — FADED — ‘Colts Forge’
    Seller: broad_ripple_tailgate
    Condition: Enduringly Loyal
    A faded blue foam horseshoe resting on a dark surface. It represents the fanbase that watched an 8-2 team lose six straight games and still plans to buy season tickets next year. We are a sick, twisted group of people.
    $12
    current bid

    That’s Week Four. Then comes this →

    Week Five — You Get This
    The Outer Limits Enquirer

    One team-specific Outer Limits Enquirer front page, every cycle. Completely straight-faced. It sells itself — that’s how funny it is.

    ■ Transmission Received — Parallel Universe Dispatch ■
    Outer Limits Enquirer — Colts edition front page
    Signal Strong — Standing By

    That’s Week Five. Week Six delivers this →

    Week Six — You Get This
    NFL Competition Committee Proposes

    Four new proposed NFL rules, each presented with complete regulatory seriousness. The title is always “THE NFL COMPETITION COMMITTEE PROPOSES:” followed by the rule name. Three to five sentences of deadpan satire. A new batch of four rules, every seven-week cycle.

    Official Proposal 1 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    The Feelings Rule

    Effective immediately, any player who is visibly sad after a penalty will be allowed to challenge the call on emotional grounds. The replay official will review the player’s expression in slow motion. If certified “genuinely devastated” by a panel of three therapists stationed in the press box, the penalty is waived. The Dallas Cowboys have already filed 847 pre-season challenges.

    Official Proposal 2 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    Mandatory Honesty From Coaches

    Starting in 2026, head coaches will be required to answer one post-game question with complete honesty. The question will be selected at random by a wheel spin. Early testing was abandoned after three coaches resigned, one cried, and Bill Belichick’s honest answer was legally classified as a threat.

    Official Proposal 3 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    The Participation Fumble

    In an effort to make fumbles less discouraging, any fumble recovered by the opposing team will now be referred to as an “unintentional lateral.” The player who fumbled will receive a certificate of effort. The team that recovered it will receive six points. Both outcomes will be celebrated equally on the official broadcast.

    Official Proposal 4 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    Announcer Accuracy Ratings

    All play-by-play announcers will now be graded in real time by a panel of former players. Phrases such as “he just wanted it more,” “that’s a football player right there,” and “you cannot teach that” will trigger an automatic fine of $500 per occurrence. Early projections suggest the league will be debt-free by Week 3.

    That’s Week Six. And saving the best for last →

    Week Seven — You Get This
    The Children’s Book
    A Landolfi Media Original

    A fully illustrated satirical children’s book, team-specific, written for the fan who has a child who needs to understand why Sunday afternoons are like this. The illustrations are beautiful. The subject matter is not. Both things are intentional.

    Your Team’s Complete Illustrated History — Included With Every Subscription
    “Baltimore, 1953”
    The Story of the Indianapolis Colts — Read the Full Book Below, Cover to Last Page
    Baltimore, 1953 — page viewer
    Baltimore, 1953
    The Story of the Indianapolis Colts.
    A Landolfi Media Children’s Book.
    Page 1 of 11
    Complete Illustrated History · Cover + 10 Pages · Included With Paid Subscription

    In the upcoming weeks and months with your paid subscription, you can also look forward to titles like these:

    Also In Development — Next Release
    “Why Does Daddy Cry On Sundays?”
    A heartwarming story about a father, his team, and the annual tradition of explaining to a seven-year-old why the season is technically over in Week Eleven. Daddy is going to be okay. He has been through this before. He loves his team. That is the whole story.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon
    Also In Development
    “Daddy’s Team Is Very Special (Just Not At Football)”
    A celebration of everything a football team can be excellent at besides winning football games. The uniforms are nice. The stadium is large. The merchandise is widely available. A story about finding joy in the details when the scoreboard is unkind.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon
    Also In Development
    “The Night We Almost Made the Playoffs”
    A timeless bedtime story about a very special evening in December when everything was possible. The math worked out. The other teams lost. The tickets were being researched. And then the fourth quarter happened. A story about hope, arithmetic, and the importance of not checking the score too early.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon

    What Subscribers Are Saying

    “I forwarded the Achilles classified to my brother, who still hasn’t recovered from Andrew Luck retiring. He said ‘again?’ and nothing else.”
    — J. Hensley, Broad Ripple · 5-Month Subscriber
    “My tailgate had a moment of silence for the second half of the season. This newsletter wrote a better eulogy than I could have.”
    — Anonymous · 4-Month Subscriber
    “The trivia card about Unitas to Manning made my grandfather tear up a little. He blamed allergies. It is August.”
    — T. Metzger, Fishers, Ind. · 6-Month Subscriber
    “My daughter now says ‘the urgency has never been higher’ about her homework. I don’t know how to feel about that.”
    — K. Osei, Carmel, Ind. · 3-Month Subscriber
    “Cancelled after Week 14 out of grief. Resubscribed because the 8–2 evidence deserves a jury, and I am that jury.”
    — Anonymous · Auto-Renew, No Regrets
    “I keep the classifieds in the car for the drive to Lucas Oil. Colts Country deserves good literature and a healthy Achilles.”
    — M. Pruitt, Greenwood, Ind. · 7-Month Subscriber
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    Everything in Free, plus full daily articles and one new Bonus Content drop every week on a rotating seven-week cycle — a fan trivia game, a fake eBay auction, classified ads, The Outer Limits Enquirer, a children’s book parody, a Top Ten List, and an NFL Competition Committee ruling — for all 32 NFL teams in the network, the Colts included. Plus the complete archive, for every team, from day one.

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    $9 per month…just 30 cents / day. That works out to be 3 dimes exactly, or a quarter and a nickel. And it is no longer just one team — that 30 cents covers full articles and Bonus Content for all 32 NFL teams in the network. We are asking you to spend the cost of approximately nothing to have your suffering (and everyone else’s) witnessed, documented, and returned to you in a funnier format than it arrived.

    Other Things You Could Buy for 30¢
    ( If For Some Reason You Really and Truly Didn’t Want to Laugh Today )

    1. A quarter at a vending machine, with a nickel left over. That nickel is yours to keep. It is the only refund this list offers.
    2. Just under a third of a gumball from a machine that still exists somewhere in 1987.
    3. The look on someone’s face when you tell them you subscribe to a satirical NFL newsletter that covers all 32 teams. That look is free. The newsletter is 30 cents a day.
    4. A little over a third of a postage stamp. Stamps are about 80¢ now. Your 30¢ covers roughly the top third. This is not enough to mail anything to anyone. This subscription delivers considerably more — for every NFL team.
    5. About three-quarters of a birthday candle. The kind from the dollar store 10-pack. It will burn for a little over a minute. This subscription burns considerably longer, covers every NFL team, and produces significantly more joy and marginally less wax.
    6. 0.00002% of your team’s starting quarterback’s daily salary. He earns more between breakfast and the first snap than you will spend on this subscription in a year. This year that figure also covers 31 other starting quarterbacks’ teams. We thought you should know that. We are not sure why. It felt relevant.
    7. Nothing at a parking meter in any American city built after 1990. The meter will reject your 30 cents. We will not reject your 30 cents. We will give you seven weeks of content for it — for every NFL team.
    8. A shot glass of gasoline, which might be just enough to get you to an ATM to take out $9 for your first month of All-Access. The math works. The metaphor also works. Please do not drink the gasoline.

    Hey — you’ve made it this far. You’ve looked at all seven weeks of bonus content you’ll be receiving — for all 32 NFL teams, not just this one. You’ve also seen that you’ll be getting daily, full-length headline articles from the entire network — every side article, too. Obviously you love your team with a passion to have lasted this long and smiled this much.

    Yep. We can see you.

    There’s nothing left to do but spend the 30¢ / day and have this feeling — for every NFL team — last the whole year through.

    I mean really — what more is there to think about? Do you want to smile today (and every day) or not?

    “By subscribing you acknowledge that you are a fan in good standing, that you have suffered, that you will continue to suffer, and that $9 per month is a reasonable fee for having that suffering — and the suffering of 31 other NFL fanbases — witnessed and documented with the respect it deserves. Cancel anytime. Your team will not cancel anything. Neither will the other 31. They will all be here next season. And the season after that.”

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